Perplexed by my on reflexique the other day, i have decided to write this experience.
it was a very long day of hot summer heat and the evenings only fade off in the mist of moisture filling humid air. just as i thought i had lasted the day for a good evening to come, my mind started to shutter between the to do and the as usual never to do. the never to do would be not so consistent in my perseverance of the mundane as the to do. For i am not to die off and be a few hour lasting deed man indeed. the more i dwell this task of being consciously aware of things around me, the more they draw me closer to them. Tangible or non tangible, they all matter the most for as far as my understanding goes towards fabricating everything together for a thorough sense perception. For with this vision is a perception only when i sense it sensibly using all my 5. This is as far as sensing the tangibles and the audible and the visuals are concerned, and so i felt apt for the perseverance of the mundane.
As i always wanted to swiftly drift away into the higher realms of life, where your sixth perception is active, and you start to not only be a part of the material world around but at the same time constantly learn the unseen, unheard thoughts and emotions of people, particularly when you are gyrating in both the worlds. I misunderstand myself for an escapist trying to flee the norms of the society, for i am only talking about the unseen. MA MA world material is stretched to stellar horizons, for my vision is so small. I have unconditionally woven myself into this realm of contractual reality just to get and understanding of the way further to it.
The deeper i probe, the more i learn, the deeper i want to learn the more it looks tough, and the more i want to quit, but during my consistent approach towards understand the reality, considering the fact that i come from the same plane that i have lived most of my life in the past, and not a prodigal either, have failed to understand the mechanics of it, this is driving me even more towards getting a clearer picture. Even at this point of time, the picture comes to me like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, where like a child i start to fix the pieces as and when i get then, only to be intrigued by the picture that is taking shape and running my imagination wild as i await the other pieces to be given to me.
This was meant to be a slow process as many have said and the experts have written. After reading some of these excerpts, i have always wondered if i will ever be able to perceive what these wise men are talking about, if i will ever be able to live in the norms of the society and still venture out for the not so ordinary experiences.
As my understanding is probing me further more into multitudes, i am only to stand corrected every time about my grey conceptions, so much so that i have to start from scratch every time. The escapade is always very alluring, but i am determined to figure out the ways of life.
Every thing is becoming so subjective as i proceed, every single point has a meaning, every single word has an expression hidden within itself as it be spoketh, every exasperated breath is a tale of detail. So subjective is the perception that it is leaving a very thin line between solitude and infinitude. i am just searching the limits around me, patience has really paid off in doing so, and i continue to strengthen it on my way in. there are so many links, subjective some, objective others, critical many but all are so loving. A thought- subjective is forcing me to give it a shape of a desire- objective, with or without critical thought of the circumstances, for i can behold criticism on grounds of this understanding. For as long as sense prevails in the mind, body and soul of the seeker-me, i want to be on this quest no matter what.
My picture was really really big that day, but my vision was so small. i was doing my regular workout at the gym. You would relate to what i am talking about if you have ever tried to get a finger each from both your hands and join them right in front of your forehead where the nose bridge ends, and try to focus both your eyes on it, you will see a floating finger, yes, but the only difference this time was, i caught a moment of unity with a single vision, it was not this and that, but just ONE. What was this ONE i had no idea, as it did not feel like anything of the world around me, nor did i myself felt belonging to the world around me. The vision was in solidarity with me, and i was in solidarity with myself. Even though for a moment, the picture came rushing, ever so expanding of the thoughtful, of the evolutionary, of the bliss, of which i yet know so little about. The experience was a treat for a moment, and a reminder for the hardships that lay ahead even to understand rational realizations if not self-realizations already.
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