I have lived through limitless thoughts that shout and split one through the minute
I have saved my mind through the pinnacles and depths of emptiness it seems
There is never a moment of respite from a cold'ened heart of many winters
There is no measure to gauge the emptiness of a cold and immesurable soul lost in splinters
There is only one point of sanity or inner place of sanctity somewhere in the unfathomable middle
There is only one point of concentration ..the moment of truth sitting in a solemn self explained dribble
Ridiculous as it may sound the fear of vast emotions that empty themselves at the rate of million thoughts per day is not an easily understood ordeal
A day at a time is too lame for this moment to moment existence either
My only solitude or solace for the lack of a better word to existence is my prayer to this unknown
My everyday conversation with the universe within to see If its listening to my pleadings
After all that's the realm i can't see and that's where lies my darkest unknown fears too and there is so much of no reflection
The most gracious prayer i can have for this universe within and the external universe without after years and years of not trying to know
For what I have lost ..the ability to distinguish between any of these finer realms and this is not an innate loss of the mundane cognition that I thrive to strive on materially
There is just no reason unbelievable, no thought unthinkable, no action un-followable and no words unspeakable that can define this kind of long endured sanity
This is a realm of the empty, sphere of the void and the dimension of no return ..no vantage points to even observe what's changing from what's changed
This is me when i am more lost then confused and less mindful then would care to know if you would mind
But please please forgive me if my mindless words hurt you ever now or whenever . . i retract not the unspoken for the fear of guilt is overpowered the notion and still cant express the spoken for the freedom of expression hinges on to this very limitedly
For I have chosen to always be split continuously between particle matter and energy waves where my words were half thought and my kindness and chivalry forever lost and I always fought
These scary depths were very frightening from moment to moment but these were also my many years of serenity founded on this invincible divide
Split up to my pains and rounded up against my happier gains
I am no mercenary of the sober neither am i a sucker for insane ..i only remain
My limitations are still very unique and i only see them through the shades of a ripened grain husk
No matter how hardly i try i cant escape these boons and banes ...suffer i must ..i must
Away from normality its never going to be a shame ..man of my instincts ..they always let me
Know whether i am ever going to be in the game
